Who am I?

I am someone who married and lived with a narcissist for over 30 years. When I met my ex-husband mental health was not discussed or the traits of mental health widely known. My idea of a narcissist was that they were sociopathic killers. So, of course my husband wasn’t that, so he wasn’t a narcissist. And in turn, I wasn’t in an abusive situation. I was fortunate that the only abuse I suffered was emotional and mental if you can be “fortunate” when in an abusive relationship. I did not worry about physical abuse or my safety in that way. It took him about 7 or so years into the marriage to almost have me to where he wanted me. It was at that time that I started to become my own person again, very, very slowly. I was only able to start and continue on that journey with the help of friends and my community. My family was not close enough to really help in the process of my “regrowth”. My deeply held believes played a part in my staying in the relationship as long as I did. For me, when I said the words “I do” at that alter in 1986, it was permanent. I was NOT going to get a divorce.

Those seven or so years took close to 25 years to undo. It took time to learn enough to not only become a strong person again but to realize that I was, in fact, in an abusive situation. I may have felt I was being abused years before, but at the time my limited thoughts on abuse were physical, sexual, and verbal abuse. My ex-husband was rarely verbally abusive, as in cussing and screaming at me. And I never felt sexually violated. He mainly did gaslighting and put me down. So, even though it felt like abuse, it couldn’t have been, right?

Wrong. It was, and when it finally “clicked” that it was, I was strong enough at that point to leave and know that I would never go back to a relationship like that again.

Wrong. It was and when it finally “clicked” that it was, I was strong enough at that point to leave and know that I would never go back to a relationship like that again. The first couple of years after I left my ex-husband, I knew that I was being called to help others who have had abusive relationships. It wasn’t until after I was separated for 4 years that I came across Life Coaching and thought, “This is what I was made to do. This is how I can help others who either are going through abuse or who were strong enough to walk out of it”. This is when I became a certified life coach. It has been a few years now and I love doing this. I have recently expanded to want to help those who are going through or have gone through divorce.

My “why” for what I am doing now is simple, I want to help others to not have to take 20-plus years to be able to become who they really want to be. To be able to help them remove the limiting beliefs about ourselves that divorce or abuse can put in our lives that prevent us from moving forward. I want to help women remove the barriers of anger, resentment, unforgiveness, and fear so that they can grow in self-confidence and self-esteem. I want them to know their self-worth.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are the things that our abusers wanted to take from us and did to one extreme or another.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are the things that our abusers wanted to take from us and did to one extreme or another. I want to help women realize they are more than what their abusers or their ex-spouses said they were. I want those who are going through or coming out of divorce to know there is a life that can be fulfilling after the divorce. You are strong, smart, and capable of doing whatever it is you want to accomplish. Every woman deserves to be all that they want to be. They deserve a cheerleader, an accountability partner, someone who is in their corner for them even when they are back in the thought patterns their ex-spouses or abusers had them in. Climbing out of the effects of divorce or abuse can be hard. It also can’t be done alone. Everyone making that climb needs a support system.

Everyone needs to remember that abusers are not just those that we are in intimate relationships with. They can be fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, our kids, co-workers, and sometimes we even have “friends” who are abusers. Please don’t limit who can be an abuser. If you or someone you know “feels” like they are being abused even if there is no physical sign of it, they are more than likely being abused. Don’t ignore the warning signs that are being said or felt.

In my coaching practice, I use a variety of tools, techniques, worksheets, and assessments to help women on their journey. I listen and ask questions to help women move outside their normal thought patterns to help them see things in different ways. By doing this I can help them move outside the thought patterns that their ex-spouses or abusers would like to keep them in, even if they have walked out of the situation. Some of those patterns are, “I can’t do that”, “I am not capable of accomplishing such and such”, and “No one would want to hear from me. I am a nobody”. Everyone is a “somebody” and worthy of love, support, happiness, and being heard.

I am not a therapist. And I know that there are a lot of women who need to see a therapist before they are mentally healthy enough to benefit from what I have to offer. I want to encourage everyone who has come out of abuse or who is still dealing with abuse, to seek therapy, if you can. I did for a while. And it helped me. It can only help to improve your chances of becoming a healthy, happier version of yourself. There is no shame in getting therapy. Our experiences have put “triggers” and barriers in our lives that therapy and life coaching can help to remove. Damage from abusers needs to be worked through. The best way for healing to occur is with professional help.

Welcome to TLC Tamie’s Life Coaching. It’s time for emotional healing with a little TLC. Tender, Loving Care from Tamie’s Life Coaching.

I want everyone who works with me to be the best that they can be. I am here for you to help you achieve that desire. I will be giving tips and tricks on a wide variety of topics, that impact our self-care, self-esteem, and confidence. I would love to be your “coach” to help you become an influencer, even if it is only with those who you touch who are around you, at home at work, and in your community.